Living with Myself

Anxiety: the body's natural response to stress.

I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember but it didn't metastasize until I left high school. It is triggered by two main sources, CHANGE, and CONTROL. Both of which are emphasized by this pandemic.

 

The sun shined softy through the window as I got up to start my day, but I wasn't alone. She was there I could feel her presence. Sometimes right beside me other times she seemed farther off. Who was she and why was she here?

 

Dear…

Who are you? Why are you here? I’ve felt your presence since everything has changed. Your touch felt gentle at first but your grip grew stronger. You’ve made each day a challenge, leaving me to feel out of control. I lash out in anger trying to strike you but I miss every time. You always seem just out of my reach but I feel you pulling on my strings. I try to ignore you when you whisper warnings to me. I just want to focus on the tasks of the day. I want to be free to go out… why won’t you let me go?

Hannah